Pastors get lots of attention, but their wives get far less. And that’s unfortunate because behind every faithful, hard-working, conscientious married pastor there must be an equally faithful, equally hard-working, and equally conscientious wife. Because they’re “one flesh”, they’re – necessarily – in pastoral ministry together. If the pastor’s wife thrives in her work, the pastor’s ministry will thrive as well. Likewise, if the pastor’s wife suffers, – you know what’s next – the pastor’s ministry will suffer as well.
Now, in one sense, a pastor’s wife is no different than the wife of a man in any calling. She’s to be a helper suitable to her husband. She’s to love him and submit to him. She’s to be faithful to him. She’s to be a godly mother to the children the Lord is pleased to give them. They’re to pray together. They’re to enjoy one another. They’re to be intimate with one another. They’re to be hospitable. They’re to serve the Lord together in whatever their calling (and callings) might be. They’re to be a mirror of Christ and His Church.
But there are unique pressures on a woman who happens to be the wife of a pastor:
“She’ll have an increased tendency to overwork. Like her husband, she needs to be an example as a spouse, as a parent, and as a member of both church and community. She’ll feel the weight of being a servant of Christ just as much as her husband. But never forget that the Bible calls her “the weaker vessel” as she bears all that weight of servanthood in so many spheres of life.
“She’s “one flesh” with a husband who lives in a fishbowl. Even as everyone knows he’s “a pastor”, everyone knows that she’s “the pastor’s wife” – in church, at home, in the neighborhood, in the school, in the homes of others, and in the community. Like it or not, people say, “That’s the pastor’s wife!” She feels the pressure of being a representative of Christ just as much as her pastor-husband does.
“She is THE “older woman” that younger women will look to as a Christian model and for counsel. Especially in our age of the rapid erosion of godly male and female role models, women who’ve never had such Christian models will – understandably – glom on to a pastor’s wife – even when the pastor’s wife herself wrestles with how to be a godly wife and mother in this perplexing world.
“Then, the wife of the pastor may become a channel for those who won’t speak directly with the pastor or elders of their local congregation. If she’s not careful, she ends up taking to herself burdens that are meant to be on the church leadership – not on the pastor’s wife.
“She’s often more sensitive to and bruised by criticisms and church problems than is her pastor-husband. Weaker vessel probably has a woman’s emotional nature in view. And criticisms, gossip, plus the weight of sensitive issues in church life can easily overburden a pastor’s wife. She wants to be a help-meet to her pastor-husband – so she’ll often be drained by these things even more than he will be.
“And, to make these challenges even greater: She usually doesn’t receive the energizing encouragements, input, and stimulation that her pastor husband gets. He has time for communion with God in his times of reading and prayer. She’s feeding the children and changing their diapers. He gets comments at the door regarding his sermons (hopefully, encouraging comments). She doesn’t get thanks for protecting her husband’s time in the study for all of the sermon preparation. He gets to go to conferences and other gatherings that put fuel into his spiritual tank. She’s home doing laundry, running around as chauffeur to the children, planning, shopping for, and preparing the meals, leading family devotions and carrying out necessary child discipline in her husband’s absence. You get the idea.
And the very real danger in all of this is that part of “one flesh” in Christian ministry becomes crippled. Sometimes (and I’m sorry to have to say it) the crippling is permanent. There are pastor’s wife casualties just as there are pastor casualties.
Our topic for today’s Visit to the Pastor’s Study is The Un-Private Life of a Pastor’s Wife. We’ll delve into some of the “wife of a pastor” challenges you’ve just heard about – and a number of others. But we’ll also talk about how to meet these challenges and be “more than a conqueror” in the power of Christ. This program is for pastor’s wives, pastor-husbands, and for church members who want to be helps rather than hindrances to both their pastor and his wife.
I have an extra special guest for today’s program! She happens to be my wife – the wife of a man who’s been a pastor for nearly forty years (and she still remains a beautiful age 29!!!)
When she was still Margaret Reader (but was engaged to be married to Bill Shishko), the one who is now Margaret Shishko expected that her future husband would be a lawyer, or a teacher – or both. For various reasons, she didn’t want to be a “pastor’s wife.” But God had other plans. Shortly after they were engaged in 1975, the elders of the church Bill attended urged him to attend seminary as part of his preparation to be – you guessed it – a pastor. When Margaret heard that, she cried!
But she still married Bill in 1976. She was with him during his three years of seminary training. And she became a “pastor’s wife” when her husband was ordained as a minister and installed as a pastor in McClellanville, SC in October 1979. In 1981, her pastor’s wife calling shifted to Long Island, New York after Bill was called to serve as pastor of the Orthodox Presbyterian Church in Franklin Square. Over the 35 years and 3 ½ months he served as pastor of that congregation, Margaret became the mother of five more children (in addition to the one born in South Carolina), taught Sunday School, helped in the church nursery, opened the home for hospitality to countless people, prepared meals for those in need, helped in a Christian school, home-schooled, counseled younger women, assisted new moms – and the list goes on and on.
I simply don’t know of a better pastor’s wife – and I don’t know any pastor’s wife better than I do Margaret Shishko. She’ll be helping us today as we open up the topic of The Un-Private Life of a Pastor’s Wife.
Margaret Shishko – Mrs. Pastor Bill – welcome to this week’s Visit to the Pastor’s Study…
Here’s a link to the full program:
Yours in the King of Kings,
Pastor Bill